Is there such a thing?
I’ve always been taught by life and it’s experiences that nothing is ever black or white. Our moral compass if often dunked in shades of grey and we’re left stranded with no sense of direction. I did not think there was a rule book. But lately, it feels like there are indeed some strong indicators that guide us unintentionally.
Whenever I am faced with a difficult choice, there are often two options. One that feels like it might suck immensely, and an easier one. I hate confrontation, or any sorts of negativity so I’ve always ended up picking the easier thing to do. Like not leaving my hometown for college, not ending a bad friendship, just not taking risks.
Maybe the right way doesn’t feel so right? Maybe its when you’ve got that pit in your stomach you’re doing what you’re supposed to. I have reached this point in my life where I feel like nothing can go wrong. Every high or low is just the path I was meant to take to my rightful destination. The only way I’m going to end up where I am supposed to is by doing things the right way no matter the consequences and irrespective of how hard they are.
Seeing as I’ve only got this one life, I might as well get it right.
– The Obsessive Writer
Life comes so suddenly,
Capturing you before you know it.
Love, ambition, hope, fear.
A test of everything you hold dear.
There comes a time when things, only happen in the past,
And everything is too good to last.
A time when you are left with more memories than you can hold,
And you speak of life as an adventure untold.
A moment of victory and sorrow,
And all you want is another life to borrow.
Familiar faces fade away,
In a rear view mirror that has too much to say.
People come and they go, but these streets never change.
It’s no wonder that memory is a lane.
Go back to your childhood for a moment.
Are you there yet? Okay.
Think of that one thing you’ve always wanted.
Do you have it now?
Did it change your life the way you expected it to?
All that I have ever wanted is freedom. To become an independent adult, make my own choices and be my own person. I have been over protected all my life and I thought that being a legal adult meant that I would no longer be controlled by anyone or anything. (I know. I’m an idiot.)
This January of 2016 I did turn 18. Huraaaaaah! I can drive. I can vote! what not? The world is my oyster. It was really surreal for the first couple of days. And then, slowly, the excitement died and I saw the unfiltered version of this big “change”. It was everything I did not expect it to be.
You know how when you want something real bad? It seems like the greatest thing in the world. An unsurmountable peak. And then when you finally get it, it’s no big deal anymore. Well, that’s exactly what happened with me. That and some more.
It took a while, but then it hit me. I am an adult. I have responsibilities. I don’t even know the electoral candidates’ last names and I’m supposed to vote. I don’t even have my own bank account, or a job that pays but I swindle money like it grows on trees. All I wanted was passion in my professional life and here I am hating every bit of college.
It’s ironic that I spent all of my life waiting for this part of my life, and now that it’s here, I have no idea how to handle it.
Maybe being this lost will urge me to find my way.
The Obsessive Writer.
The times have changed.
I know, that’s an over-rated thing to say: especially for me. In the last few months, I’ve been going on and on about how growing up has been all about tough choices, studying to get into college and facing the “world” whatever the hell that is, I’ve taken too long to notice that in a while I’m not going to be in school anymore…
No more skank walks down the hall way with my so called “possy”, no more pranks on innocent bystanders, no more laughing for the dumbest jokes in class, no more having sarcastic things to say about everything and everyone, no more of these amazing people I’ve spent six years of my life with.. And that is going to suck. I know, like they all say, “we’ll stay in touch” but you know that’s not the same. I’ll not be rolling with this crowd anymore and that’s got me feeling nostalgic.
I don’t recollect ever making a huge deal about knowing them. It didn’t even matter. We were all just together for some reason whatsoever. I realize now, how much they truly mattered. How they’re the reason I am who I am. This place, it’s home. And that is where I know my heart will always be.
I feel like this is my practise good bye speech. Man, thinking of the goodbyes is sort of making my heart ache, quite literally. I’ve never liked goodbyes. But, something tells me these guys can come up with some sort of a interesting twist to just about anything. Oh well, here’s to another beautiful day of high-school or what’s left of it! 😀